In just a week it will be Martin Luther King Day – Monday, January 16th. There is valuable information on this site not only about MLK, but how others can volunteer or serve those in need.
http://mlkday.gov/plan/library/communications/posters.php
Take your children on an educational tour about a man who made a difference and encourage them to change the world by making a difference too.
Am I the only one that think there’s something wrong with the title of this post? Oy, oy, oy. What is this world coming to? How low will we as a society go for money?
The LA Times article said:
The team paid the women who provided the eggs used in the study, a practice that has been forbidden by ethical guidelines from scientific organizations around the world. Some ethicists have argued that paying women for their eggs might create an exploitative trade.
Ya think?!
To avoid exerting undue influence on the donors, the New York team paid them $8,000 for the time and burden of donation (which does pose risks), then allowed them to decide later if they wanted their eggs to be used for research or for reproduction. That way, the conversation about payment was already over before any talk about scientific research began.
I can only shake my head and feel sad. Now you know where I stand on stem cell research, after all I am pro-life, even for unfertilized eggs.
Read the full article here.
Stress? What stress? Think we all probably need this week’s Monday Motivation from Erin…..what say you?
How to Deal with Stress Positively
By Erin Brown Conroy, M.A.
OK, so which one of us parents have not dealt with stress of some kind in the last 24 hours? If you answered “Me!” then either your child is vacationing with grandma or you’re taking a cold medication that’s fuzzing out your memory.
Stress is a part of our everyday lives. Whether it’s a tired toddler whining all morning, an unexpected phone call that puts us in the driver’s seat for the car pool, or a teen informing us that they “need” 75 dollars for a new pair of shoes, events push against us moment by moment, causing our mental equilibrium to totter into stressful thoughts and feelings.
Throughout the year, but especially during the holidays, our schedules are overflowing, our children are emotionally high-strung, and our “to do” list is longer than line at the checkout on Christmas Eve. So what can we do to avoid – or at least deal positively with
– inevitable stress?
Viewing Stress as “Normal”
I wish I had a magic wand to totally wipe stress off the board of my life and yours. But the truth of the matter is this: Stress is “normal.” Unplanned change and unexpected surprises are as much a part of living as breathing. Our wishing our lives to be perfectly
stress-free sets us up for disappointment because at least some level of stress is part of everyday life. What counts most is how we deal with stress. How we approach our child’s whining, our extra carpool excursion, and our teen’s request for cash is dependent
upon the perspectives we hold within our minds.
How Do We Approach Stress?
When your child comes to you with more marker on his hands than on the holiday card he’s creating, what do you think and say? Is it, “What a mess! How are we going to clean this all up?” Or is it, “Let’s look at the beautiful card you made! Wow, you worked really hard on this! Let’s go wash our hands and then put your card in its envelope to send out tomorrow.” When your daughter, for the umpteenth time, interrupts you while cleaning the house for guests, do you think “I wish she’d leave me alone so that I could get this
done!” Or is it, “She needs my attention…What can I do to include her so that she feels better?” Each stressful situation can either be lit on fire or diffused by our internal thoughts. If our perspective is me-centered or focused on tasks before people, our internal
thoughts often wallow in frustration and anger, fueling stress.
Copyright © Mark David. All rights reserved
Our thoughts are the key to approaching stress in a healthy way. In any stressful situation, our minds must grab and hold onto misguided thoughts that lead to negative emotions – before they run away with our values. Ask yourself, “What matters most ‘in the big picture’?” In the light of eternity, what’s most important – clean hands or my child’s selfesteem? What will happen to my daughter internally if I become angry with her or brush her off while cleaning? What do I value most – a close relationship with my daughter or a
clean house? We must learn the skill of responding from healthy, long-term-perspective core beliefs, not from raw moment-centered emotions. And that takes practice.
Schedules
So, as a parent, am I doomed to a life of confronting boatloads of stress? Normal stress, yes. Boatloads, no. We fill our boats ourselves, don’t we? We try to squeeze way too much into our days. We don’t leave margins in our schedules, placing events back-toback, setting ourselves up for unnecessary stress. Our minds and bodies can only take so much!
Less is More
Quality cannot exist when our lives are constantly “pressed.” When outside circumstances – either scheduled in or beyond our control – overwhelm us, something has to give; we need to change our lives in some way. I was sorely reminded of that truth when we moved to a new home in October. Trying to maintain a “regular” schedule, the extra stress pushed me to my limits – until I made some changes. Even some “good” activities had to go. Many times we must choose between what’s “good” and “best.” And best may mean less.
Summing it Up
What are your internal perspectives and attitudes about stress? A healthy perspective doesn’t just happen. Take time to put spiritual and mental “positives” into your heart and mind; then you have a resource to dip into for making it through stressful times with
internal integrity. Take active steps to defeat the stressful, overburdening schedulemonster eating up your family. Choosing a quiet evening together over a “good” activity may be just what you need to diffuse stress. Your family’s health is worth it.
About Author
Erin Brown Conroy, MA, is a writer specializing in books on relationship connections, curriculum, and web marketing. She is a freelance writer/consultant, the DL Professor of writing courses for Patrick Henry College, and a Master Teacher for the PHC Prep Academy Online. Erin is also the mom of 13 children by birth, marriage, and adoption and has been homeschooling for 27 years. She lives in Ohio with her husband, five children still at home, and three amazingly-smart (and cuddly) Australian Labradoodles. You can read more of Erin’s articles on parenting at www.erinbrownconroy.com.
Used with Permission.
This week’s Monday Motivation is to prepare yourself for those tween and teen years. I was naive in thinking that the teen years would be a breeze. I thought that because we were a Christian family we wouldn’t have the issues that I remember happening with my sisters and I. HA! Guess what? We do. Each stage of our children’s life has its struggles, some easier, some just as challenging as the stage before. There is no easy age per se, each age is different, as is each child. In five years we will have five teenagers in the house and I want to be prepared. Erin says it so much better than I could, so here is her top 20 tips for parenting or preparing to parent your tweens and teens. Remember to come back to this often because you forget and you will need these reminders, believe me.
One other thing, be sure to clear your schedule as much as you can because these young people need just as much time, if not more than your babies, toddlers and preschoolers! Amazing, I know. Then love, love and love them some more! And pray fervently for them.
The Top 20 Tips for Parenting “Transitioning Tweens”
By Erin Brown Conroy, M.A.
I heard it again . . . A few days ago . . . . That comment about “tweens.” You know, “tweens” – that’s the word that refers to kids in the awkward age and stage: when our child’s stuck somewhere between being a “child” and a “teen.” The “official” time of “tween” can fall anywhere between the ages 10 and 14, depending on when puberty comes knocking – or pounding – on your child’s hormonal door.
Lamenting about her soon-to-be-a-teen daughter, my friend said (with a sigh of desperation), “I don’t know what’s happening! It seems like I woke up one day and my daughter was an emotionally-charged being. She argues, she’s sassy, then she’s silly . . . and then she’s hugging me and telling me ‘I love you so much, mom!’ Where did my sweet little child go?”
Life as we know it has changed…
No, an alien didn’t abduct your child when you weren’t looking. Your son or daughter’s brain and body is now invaded by chemical changes that mark the start of puberty. With the hormonal “wash,” lo and behold, your child is temporarily rendered into a “mecentered” state of consciousness. Congratulations! Your child’s officially transitioning from a child into an adult.
There’s a new road up ahead. The parenting road that may have been relatively smooth now enters new terrain. Bumpy terrain. With roads that twist and turn and seem to drop off into oblivion.
Yes, just when we thought we had the parenting thing figured out, our child becomes a tween (and then a teen). God definitely has a sense of humor.
The Top 20 Tips
Don’t fear or fret – This stage does end some day (Wahoo!), and it’s much sooner than we think. In the meantime, here are the Top 20 Tips for making the journey through the tween (and teen) years as smooth as they can be.
1. Hormones may rule the child, but they don’t have to rule you or your home. As the parent, you’re ultimately the one who sets the tone of your home. No matter what your tween or teen says or does, know and live the fact that you are calm, cool, collected, and “with it.” When life with your child’s behavior gets tough, know that you’ll find answers. Know that you’ll stay strong through it all and come out strong on the other side. Be confident and centered – and don’t be afraid to ask for help from others. Resources strengthen you personally and as a family. Take advantage of as many resources as you can.
2. Don’t panic – Teach. Things will happen and things will be said that shock you. Be ready for it. Your gut response might be, “How could my son say that? How could my daughter act that way? I can’t believe it!” Believe it. And don’t let it shake you one bit. Like a willow tree, be firmly rooted, able to bend and stay supple in the gales that come your way. Once the wind has died down, stand up tall and calm, and use the moment to teach your child the good, right, helpful, and kind way to speak and act. Keep in mind, as your child moves though these changes into adulthood, it’s your job to teach the best way to speak and act. Here’s where it begins. With you and me.
3. Don’t take it personally. Emotionally chill. OK – So your child’s going to say and do some pretty outrageous things. Don’t take it personally. “What?! Don’t take it personally” you say? Of all the tips on this page, this particular one is the hardest to do. After all, I’ve wiped this child’s bottom and changed her diaper, potty trained her, taught her to read, driven her to sports and birthday parties and stores, and spent hours upon hours caring for and spending time with and loving her – and here she is spouting off that I don’t know anything and I don’t really care about her. Pretty illogical, isn’t it? Step back. Take a breath. Emotionally chill. Don’t take it personally. The hormones are at it again. Don’t let it phase you.
4. Know that the word “I” will be in just about every sentence your child uses. When you’re a tween, an amazing change happens in thoughts and speech. The tween’s “world view” morphs into “me-centeredness.” It’s all about “me.” Well, not all the time. But a lot of the time. As a tween and teen, life revolves around my thoughts, my ideas, and my desires. Again, it’s chemical. Really. Normal brain development stuff. Don’t let it get you all bent out of shape. As the parent, understand the perspective and gently help your child re-orient to thinking in a “big picture view” that includes others.
5. Understand your changing role and step into it. Your role’s changing. Dramatically. Sometimes daily. When your child was a baby, your role was to totally care for his or her life. When your child grew, your role was to tell and guide, as well as to direct. When your child becomes a tween, your role changes again. As you “let the rope out,” you’re teaching and listening and watching over, as opposed to directly overseeing. You’re mentoring now. Side by side. Still teaching. But talking through, describing, and asking questions. Don’t assume your child knows what you’re asking. Check for understanding. Step into your role graciously.
6. Keep firm boundaries. Tweens and teens still need firm boundaries for behavior. In love and kindness, we need to clearly define expectations and consequences – and follow through. Our child will test the boundaries. Sometimes it will be unintentional; sometimes it will be intentional. No matter; our response is the same. I love you. I care for you. I’m setting guidelines out of that love and care. From curfews to kind behavior toward others, keep the boundaries firm and expectations high. Then follow through.
7. Don’t accept “poor tone.” At some time, your child’s tone of voice will be out of bounds. Obnoxious. Even “snotty.” Some children try it once. Others seem to struggle with using poor tone more often. Tell your son or daughter that, no matter what their feelings (sadness, anger, disappointment), we still speak to each other with respect – in both our word choices and the tone of our words. Hold your child to speaking with a respectful tone, with a calm request. If your child doesn’t change his or her tone, give a consequence that matches the violation. And tell your child you’ll speak to him/her when they’re able to speak back in a tone that’s respectful.
8. Expect and hold your child to “good eye contact.” Eye contact is important – for you and your child’s relationship, as well as your child’s future success. Ask for sustained eye contact. Expect it. If your son or daughter “forgets,” gently step into your son or daughter’s line of vision and ask him or her to maintain eye contact – each and every time. Rolling of the eyes isn’t accepted (it’s disrespectful). Teach your son or daughter the importance of a steady gaze (not glare) of meeting eyes with another. Hold your child to it.
9. Purposefully talk through and model good behavior. Every issue that comes your way is a chance to purposefully talk through and model the good, right, and helpful way to respond to life and its issues. Be purposeful about your interaction. Look directly at your child; face his or her body with your own attentiveness and eye contact. Model the behavior you want your child to exhibit – both now and all throughout life.
10. Spend time together doing things your child likes to do. Now’s the time to spend time with your child. Your child will “disappear” into his or her room for longer periods of time than he or she used to. This new level of “quiet” might seem nice at the moment, but don’t let it fool you; it’s time to make time with your son or daughter. It’s time to ask him or her what he or she’d like to do. Even if the activity’s not what you’d choose, it’s time to bend their way a bit and enjoy their activity. When it comes to maintaining a good relationship with your tween and teen, spending time in your child’s chosen activity is, as they say, huge.
11. Create times to talk on a regular basis, and talk when your child wants to talk. Your child may not come to you to talk. Your child probably won’t come to you to talk. You’ll need to go to your child and ask your child for times to talk. Better yet, you’ll create special times and special situations where your son or daughter feels comfortable talking with you (like going together to his or her favorite ice cream shop). And then there will be those terribly inopportune times when your child wants to talk to you. You know the times: It’s when you’re tired and you want to go to bed, or when you have to make an important phone call (and you’re dialing) and your child comes up to you with that puppy dog look and tears in his eyes and says, “Can I talk to you right now?” If at all possible, change your plans and talk to your child. If you can’t, set a time to talk right then and there. It’s that important.
12. Give time for quiet, but also draw them out of the quiet. As we said in Tip Number 10, “Your child will “disappear” into his or her room for longer periods of time than he or she used to.” A certain amount of quiet, contemplative time is normal for a tween or teen – but it’s to a point. Check regularly on your son or daughter. Withdrawal for long periods of time may be a sign of depression, anxiety, use of tobacco, drugs, or alcohol, change of behavior attached to bulimia or anorexia, obsessions, and many other physical and emotional causes that need attention. Or your child may just need someone to encourage him or her to talk and become involved. Be wise. Allow for quiet and alone times, but be aware of the amount of time alone. Teach your child to balance quiet times with healthy interaction.
13. In conversation, be a facilitator. A facilitator doesn’t preach. Or tell. Or direct. He or she asks questions. A facilitator shows options and asks for the pros and cons of the situation. A facilitator asks, “What would be best thing to do? Why?” A facilitator leads the audience to conclusions, making the participants feel like it was “their idea.” Teach decision making skills by leading your child to ideas, options, and conclusions. Facilitate. In this way, your son or daughter will learn to step out on his or her own with clear thought processes and good decision making skills, because he or she has practiced thinking through events and drawing correct conclusions .
14. Give a choice within the desired activity. There are certain “givens” in life. It’s a “given” that your son needs to wear an outer garment outside when it’s cold. But you can give him the choice of wearing a hooded sweatshirt or a jacket. In the same way, it’s a “given” that your daughter needs to put her dirty laundry in the basket and not all over the hallway floor. You can give your daughter the choice of keeping the basket in the hallway, the bedroom, or the bathroom (whichever she deems “easiest,” with the shortest distance to toss the clothes after taking them off). A tween loves choices. Give a choice within the desired activity.
15. Draw only necessary “lines in the sand.” What are the most important line to draw? Values-based lines. Those lines stay the same. All other lines…Well, think about it. Some are necessary. Maybe some others aren’t. Now’s the time to think deeply about those lines we draw and decide which ones are “preference based” (just what we personally like) and which ones are “non-negotiables.” Draw your lines carefully, when necessary.
16. Purposefully teach decision making skills. The most important ability you’ll give your child is the ability to make good decisions. How do we make decisions? We think and talk through the “whys” behind our choices. We weigh out the good and the bad. We put values on our reasons. We discuss, ponder, ask for advice, weigh advice, and, in the end, balance logic and “heart.” Purposefully take your tween and teen through these steps, and they’ll be able to make good decisions as adults.
17. Talk about “The Big Five”: Love, Sex, Money, Politics, and Religion. When I was a tween and teen (in the 70’s), we didn’t talk about “The Big Five.” These days are different. It’s time to talk about these “real issues” in honest, straightforward ways – in order for our kids to be wise and make good choices. As your tween becomes aware of issues, talk in small amounts that grow to large conversations. Create conversation that’s meaningful and thought-provoking. Ask questions. Give information that’s appropriate, in small, “digestible pieces” that your tween can easily ponder. Don’t avoid “hard issues.” When it comes to the most meaningful discussions, teach your child that you’re the one he or she can come to by discussing “The Big Five.”
18. Be involved in your tween’s life. If your child’s just trying out volleyball, go to the practices and games. If pipe organs of Eastern Europe trip his trigger, read a book about them and go to a concert together. If the movie of the day is “Princess Diaries 2,” and girly Disney movies just don’t thrill you, so what? Go to the movie together. Enjoy it for her sake. Make your son or daughter’s interests your own. Be involved. Drive the car pool. Go to the meeting. Watch the practice. Look over the homework. Ask about the friends. Meet your sons’ and daughters’ friends’ parents. Find out what’s important to your child, and make the connection. In a few years, when you’re in the toughest part of parenting your teen and there’s a point of connection, you’ll be glad you took the time.
19. Laugh together. Laughter sooths the soul and builds bridges with your tween. Tweens are notorious for what my girls call “silly humor” and my boys call “stupid humor.” Some tween humor’s “out of bounds” and other humor’s truly side-splitting silliness. Without lowering yourself to poor humor such as obsessing with bodily functions like passing gas (a famous past time of tween boys), find silly things to laugh about. I call it “healthy, happy humor” – humor that doesn’t make fun of others, doesn’t put people down in sarcasm, and makes us laugh at ourselves in a way that builds closeness. There’s plenty of fun to be had in healthy, happy humor. Share a good serving with your tween daily.
20. Voice the obvious and do the obvious. Say, “I love you. I want to spend time with you. You’re such a gift to me. I’m glad you’re my son (or daughter). I like being with you. You did that well. I’m proud of you. I’m looking forward to spending time together. I’m glad we had this time together.” There are so many times we think these things and don’t say them. Well, now’s the time to say them! And DO things that show these feelings: Put your arm around a shoulder. Give a hug and kiss. Toss the ball, shoot some hoops, take a walk together, eat out together, ride in the car on a trip designed just for the two of you and talk. Amidst all their bravado of “growing up,” at each child’s very core, these tweens and teens need our love and affirmation at this time more than any other time in their lives. Think it. Then say it and do it. Daily. Repeatedly. With sincerity and authenticity. From the heart. Wrap up the first 19 Tips with Tip Number 20, and you’ll boost the effectiveness of every single Tip before it – ten fold!
Take the time to learn about the tween and teen years, practice these 20 Tips, and parenting your child will be a whole lot easier and more enjoyable, as your child becomes a responsible, responsive adult that you’re proud of.
About Author
Erin Brown Conroy, MA, is a writer specializing in books on relationship connections, curriculum, and web marketing. She is a freelance writer/consultant, the DL Professor of writing courses for Patrick Henry College, and a Master Teacher for the PHC Prep Academy Online. Erin is also the mom of 13 children by birth, marriage, and adoption and has been homeschooling for 27 years. She lives in Ohio with her husband, five children still at home, and three amazingly-smart (and cuddly) Australian Labradoodles. You can read more of Erin’s articles on parenting at www.erinbrownconroy.com.
Used with Permission.
I forgot I was sharing Erin’s parenting articles and thought that I would switch them to Monday’s Motivation for a while. This week let’s be motivated to putting fun into parenting and be sure to let me know how you plan to do that! Last week I played soccer, went swimming, went to the park and walking with the children (well, most of them biked). We had a lot of fun doing those things. It’s hard to remember to be fun when life gets busy. I know since I have been working from home, I have to make the effort to be fun or else I am bogged down with work and that makes for a very dull mommy!
By David Stoepker, Psy.D., with Erin Brown Conroy, M.A.
Putting Fun into Parenting
Do you remember Dennis the Menace cartoons? Robert Ketchum, the cartoon’s author,often struck a familiar chord with parents through his humorous and honest comic strip. Like the one where Dennis and his pal Joey are playing in the foreground, while Dennis’mother stands in a doorway some distance in the background, red-faced and obviously shouting at the top of her lungs for Dennis. Dennis says to Joey, “I don’t have to go in yet. That’s not her real angry voice.”
Parenting can be very stressful and even seem impossible at times – especially when children are oppositional. From mild resistance to downright defiance, children oftenchallenge us, stretching our parenting skills and patience. And the odds of our child’s resistance often seem to increase directly in proportion to how much of a hurry we’re in! It’s at these times that few moms and dads describe parenting as “fun.” Yet fun may be the key to breaking the parent-child stand off.
The Benefits of Fun, Humor, and Play
Fun, humor, and play are important in raising children for several reasons:
1. Research shows that laughter is healthy. There are actual changes that take place physically, within us, when we laugh. After laughter, chemicals that suppress the immune system drop, infection-fighting agents rise, blood pressure drops, and pain tolerance increases.
2. For children, play is a major form of communicating and learning about life. Play helps to “speak” to a child in the language that they understand best: play.
3. Humor relieves stress. By creating emotional distance from the stressful event,there is a cathartic release of emotion, breaking the negative cycle in which thechild and parent are spinning.
4. Laughing with our child enhances the bonding process. Bonding through laughter can especially be seen in infants ages three to four months, who connect with parents through smiles and laughter long before they’re able to talk. Some research even demonstrates that mothers who laugh more have babies who laugh more. People in general experience a sense of “connectedness” when sharing a good laugh together.
How to Bring Laughter, Play, and Humor into your Parenting
If you let your imagination go, you can come up with several ways to incorporate laughter, play, and humor into your parenting. Brainstorm ideas with a group of parents,and your list can be endless. Here are some suggestions to get you started on your way to putting fun into parenting.
• Set aside a time each day (such as after a meal or at bedtime) when each family member shares a joke, riddle, humorous event, or some other funny experience that happened that particular day.
• Occasionally – and unexpectedly – walk in on a child who’s busy, smile mischievously, and ask, “Do you want to hear a joke?” (This is much better than always catching a child doing something wrong and administering a punishment)
• Have a family bulletin board especially for cartoons and jokes.
• Leave notes with a smiling face or with an affirming comment for your child to find.
• Play charades together as a family dramatizing cartoons or humorous events.
• Have a “family basket” decorated with smiles that every member can put especially funny cartoons, jokes, or riddles. Draw out one or more to read when you and your child need some “laughter medicine” in your life.
Humor to Relieve Stress
When children have difficulty complying with a parent because of frustration, tiredness,or stress, it may help to break the cycle with some quick humor. Here are some practical suggestions for taking a U-turn when things are relationally going south and need a turn around through a speedy dose of humor.
• A parent can call “time out for a joke” and read a quick quip from the “familybasket” described above.
• If the children are complaining about the food at mealtime, say, “The next one to complain has to have chicken for supper!” Then bring out a rubber chicken and hang it on the chair of the complainer.
• If your child is slow to brush his or her teeth, wind up a set of plastic chattering teeth and challenge your child to finish brushing before the teeth stop chattering.
• When homework gets frustrating, bring out a rubber pencil or giant-sized pencilto help with those “big problems.” Giant erasers are also for sale in novelty and gift shops for “big mistakes.” Recently, I found ink pens that light up to “shed alittle light on the problem.”
• Reading the parent a joke from a favorite joke book can be a reward, once your child has (finally) complied with your expectation or desire.
Play and that Challenging (and all-too-familiar) Oppositional Stage of Development
Play can be especially helpful when children are going through the oppositional stage of development. The use of playful competition can be an almost miraculous strategy to usefor results with a smile. Here are some suggestions:
• If your child tends to resist washing hands before meals, playfully say, “I’ll finish washing my hands before you do!” If said and done in a clearly light-hearted,playful way, positive competition can work well to help your child along with asmile. This method works great for not just hand-washing, but for any behavior,such as coming to the table for a meal, getting in the car, clicking on a seatbelt, o rbrushing teeth.
• Simply frame a situation in terms that imply that your child is in control. If your tired child is slow to pick up toys at bedtime, say to your child, “You can’t make me pick up a toy.” Then let your child know that the game works in this way: Every time your child picks up a toy, the parent has to pick up a toy as well. Once the child is “into” the game, make it especially fun by begging your child to notpick up any more toys so that you, as a parent, don’t have to pick up any more toys. You can even begin to complain, “Not again! No, please! No more!” Kid soften get a charge out of “making the parent do something.” If said and done with playfulness, the toys (or other task) will be completed in no time at all. Approaching oppositional children with humor and play (as in these examples) as amatter of routine can remove much stress from the task of parenting – and save a lot oftime and energy, compared to methods of yelling and punishing.
A Caution
One caution in using humor: Humor must be done in a playful, uplifting way. Avoid sarcasm and hostile humor, which will actually make the situation worse and be emotionally hurtful to your child.
A Final Word
As a parent, humor is absolutely necessary for your mental health. Keeping a perspectiveof humor goes a long way for feeling good and acting in a healthy way toward your child.Here are some final suggestions for ways that you, the parent, can maintain a perspectiveof healthy humor.• When you’re in a stressful situation, pretend you’re on a television, taping an “ILove Lucy” show, “America’s Funniest Videos,” or “Candid Camera.”
• Smile spontaneously to a stranger and watch their reaction.
• Draw a picture of a stressful event with your non-dominant hand.
• Set up a minimum number of mistakes to make in a day. Humorously keep count.
• Put a note on your keys that says, “If you have these, I don’t.”
• Finally, if you’re in a hurry, play some appropriate fast-paced background music such as the William Tell Overture. (Editor’s Note: Look up The Mom Song on YouTube!) Laugh, play, and have fun with your children. It can make a vast difference in your relationship together.
About Authors
Erin Brown Conroy, MA, is a writer specializing in books on relationship connections, curriculum, and web marketing. She is a freelance writer/consultant, the DL Professor of writing courses for Patrick Henry College, and a Master Teacher for the PHC Prep Academy Online. Erin is also the mom of 13 children by birth, marriage, and adoption and has been homeschooling for 27 years. She lives in Ohio with her husband, five children still at home, and three amazingly-smart (and cuddly) Australian Labradoodles. You can read more of Erin’s articles on parenting at www.erinbrownconroy.com.
David Stoepker, Psy.D., is a clinical psychologist at Pine Rest Christian Mental HealthServices in Kalamazoo, Michigan, where he’s worked with children and families for 20years. For information on his availability for workshops on Putting the Fun into Parenting, email Dr. Stoepker at www.PineRest.org.
Used with Permission.
By Erin Brown Conroy
A wave of youth violence continues to crash across our nation. Listen to a few minutes of radio news or view a few minutes of the nightly news, and at least one story of youth aggression blares back. We’re horrified and saddened by behavior once unthinkable, now commonplace. How do we calm relentless
Threats of aggression churning around our families, schools, sports, and society as a whole? The answer to the problem of child violence lies in personal virtue.
What is a virtue-driven life?
By living a virtue-driven life, we change our family at the deepest place; we impact our child in the strongest way possible. Become virtue-filled in your thoughts and actions, and you can’t help but saturate your child’s thoughts and actions with virtue. Living virtue isn’t just volunteering in the
community or going to church on Sunday. True virtue lies in every day actions. True virtue is a verb. Anyone can speak words – few can live them. Living a life of virtue and character isn’t in the saying, it’s in the doing.
How do I know if I’m truly living and modeling positive virtue and character to my child? Here are seven virtues and a specific checklist of questions for parents willing to take the challenge to enter the battle against violence through living an example of life-changing virtue.
1. Honesty: Saying and living the truth.
Am I straightforward and clear in my speech to others, giving information that is complete, to the best of my knowledge?
Am I straightforward and clear in my actions to others, or do I rationalize my behavior as “necessary,” even if it isn’t presenting the truth in its entirety?
Do I shun deception of any kind, including “little white lies” that “bend” reality in order to change the dynamics of the situation or make myself look good?
Do I give all of the information needed, or do I hold some information back in order to gain the upper hand?
Am I the same person with everyone, in all situations, to the best of my ability, or do I change my tone, words, attitude, and actions in different situations to manipulate the outcome?
Do I continually seek to know and show truth?
2. Courage: Standing strong in the face of adversity, uncertainty, and risk.
Am I one to “cave in” when the going gets tough by changing the conversation, changing the situation, or changing my direction of actions, goals, or dreams?
When a situation becomes unclear, do I suddenly give up or begin asking questions of my capabilities and choices?
When my heart says “yes” but the outside circumstances aren’t “100 percent sure,” do I hesitate to the point of losing momentum or, worse yet, losing sight of my goal entirely?
Do I “do the right thing” even when I know the result is hard circumstances?
Do I embrace conscience and conviction to the point of personal discomfort, ro do I waffle and wave, in order to make things easier on myself?
Do I continually seek to know and show courage?
3. Responsibility: Taking care of what needs to be done and doing it well.
Do I follow through a job or task to the very end, or do I pass it off to others or blame others for my lack of responsible follow through?
Do I admit my mistakes, whether big or small, and take responsibility for my choices?
When I wrong someone, do I seek to make the wrong right, with humility embedded in attitude and actions?
Do I set reasonable and attainable goals and follow through on those goals by creating a step-by-step plan of action?
In each task I begin, do I care about finishing with the details in mind?
Do I seek to show responsibility each day in how I use words and act?
4. Perseverance: Sticking with a task and continuing positively even when the outlook is bleak.
Do I keep going – with a positive attitude – through hard situations?
Do I keep working on bettering relationships, not giving up, even when it’s hard?
Do I embrace an attitude of forgiveness towards others who’ve wronged me, while still maintaining autonomy and healthy boundaries, in order to create the best relational outcome possible?
Am I one to brainstorm positive options when negative circumstances or attitudes are the norm?
5. Compassion: Thinking and acting with love and care towards others, even when wronged.
Do I embrace kindness and gentleness by showing kind and gentle actions to those around me?
Do I think of others’ feelings first, or do I look out for my own self-interests?
Do I seek goodness in others and myself, embracing optimism over pessimism?
Do I show mercy towards others, not smoldering emotionally in revenge or hatred that eventually burns out my soul and inner peace?
Do I try to find situations where I can give physical, emotional, or mental relief to someone overstressed, overworked, or overburdened?
Do I put myself in situations where I see and experience firsthand another’s grief, loss, or crisis, in order to give of myself in some way to help?
6. Self-discipline: Saying no to what doesn’t help and saying yes to what will help, even it it’s hard to do.
Do I choose to turn my back on things I know aren’t good or healthy for me?
Do I actively pursue things I know to be good and healthy?
Am I making daily choices that further positive relationship with my family and child?
Do I put accountability structures in place in order to maintain faithfulness in an activity or pursuit?
Am I willing to make the choice to mentally and physically say “no” when I emotionally or physically want to say “yes”?
Do I keep my eyes, thoughts, and actions on what I know to be the best long term choices for my life, as opposed to giving in to self-gratification that I’ll later regret?
7. Faith: Believing in and acting on the sovereignty and care of a God who plays an active role in my life.
Have I taken time to investigate the spiritual area of my life, or am I stiff-arming a “still, small voice” existing in the core of who I am?
Am I willing to soul-search the deepest parts of my life, in order to honestly ask God to take an active role in my life?
Do I take time to pray each day and seek God’s input into my life? Do I take time to quietly listen for God’s prompting?
DO I take time to impart faith to my child?
Am I open to God’s intimate and unique involvement in my life, in order for God to grace me with new perspectives, healthy attitudes, and positive skills that make me complete, able to contribute deeply into others’ lives?
Parents, if we purposefully build virtue into our own lives, then we’re able to build that same virtue into our child’s life. In turn, expressed virtue changes actions and loosens the grip of violence on our children and nation’s future.
About Author
Erin Brown Conroy, MA, is a writer specializing in books on relationship connections, curriculum, and web marketing. She is a freelance writer/consultant, the DL Professor of writing courses for Patrick Henry College, and a Master Teacher for the PHC Prep Academy Online. Erin is also the mom of 13 children by birth, marriage, and adoption and has been homeschooling for 27 years. She lives in Ohio with her husband, five children still at home, and three amazingly-smart (and cuddly) Australian Labradoodles. You can read more of Erin’s articles on parenting at www.erinbrownconroy.com.
Used with permission.
Leaving the grocery store the other day I picked up a free magazine called Natural Awakenings (March 2011) Edition. I found this article – “A-Peeling Reuse” by Jeff Yeager. It goes onto say…
“A rind is a terrible thing to waste,” says Jeff Yeager, who refers to himself as the ultimate cheapskate. Yeager has discovered multiple uses for produce rinds and ways to extract extended benefits before they land in the compost pile. Here are a few of his favorites, shared with us during a recent interview:
Cornhusks – Wrap fish and other seafood in fresh, dampened, sweet corn husks to grill and serve in husks.
Olive oil infusions – Add citrus peels to olive oil for flavor and to reinvigorate oil that’s getting old.
Savory Chicken – Stuff all kinds of fruit and veggie peels, inside a free-range chicken before roasting to give it extra flavor. Trimmings from onions, celery, citrus, apples garlic, etc., can be stuffed in the chicken cavity or sprinkled around the roasting pan. Once baked, the trimmings break down faster in the compost pile.
Hair Dye – Boil potato peels in water for about a half-hour, strain and let cool. Rinsing hair with this water after shampooig will gradually darken grey hair without any synthetic chemicals.
Shoeshine – Put a “split-shine” on leather shoes by polishing them with the slippery side of a banana peel.
Metal Polish – Lemon, lime, and other citrus rinds and pulp/juice are high in citric acid, which makes them great for polishing brass, cooper and other non-ferrous metals. Sprinkle on a little baking soda to hasten polishing (Ketchup works, too).
Seedling Pots – Scooped-out avocado shells make perfect biodegradable pots to start garden seedlings.
Note: Always thoroughly wash the rinds of produce that will be eaten or come into contact with food, even if it is organically grown.
Jeff Yeager is the author of The Cheapskate Next Door and The Ultimate Cheapskate’s road Map to True Riches.”
I went to Yeager’s website at www.ultimatecheapstake.com, and he’s really got great ideas. There’s one for egg shells, perfect since Easter is coming.
by Erin Brown Conroy
“I blew it. I’m sorry.” These words are some of the hardest words in the English language to say.
Mistakes. Failure. Unhealthy responses. Poor behavior. Most of the time, our hearts know what is “right,” and our inmost desire is to respond our child in loving, kind ways. Unfortunately, as parents – and human beings – we’ll never be perfect. Even though we’d
like to act and say all of the wonderful “parent things” that we know are the “best,” we just won’t. We’re prone to fail.
So what happens when we do “blow it”? When we’ve said something unkind, yelled in anger, turned our back and ignored a situation where we should have intervened, or just plain said the hurtful thing – What do we do?
Admit Failure 
It takes a “big” person to humbly realize when we’ve failed. It takes a bigger person to change our heart, our inner thoughts, and our feelings, to a place where we are experiencing sorrow and recognizing the need to “make things right.” It means letting go of my “right” to hold anger or pride, dropping self-defenses, and putting myself in a place of vulnerability called “humility.” Humility allows us to see the wrong, admit the error, and then do something about it.
If I admit failure, I’m not saying I’m a “bad parent.” I’m simply recognizing that I’ve done something that – either knowingly or unknowingly – hurt my child. I’m recognizing that I need to take steps, either in my words or my actions, to repair the damage. We then take action to change our attitude and our approach to our child to one of gentleness, humility, and positive kindness.
Change
Anyone can say the words “I’m sorry.” It takes a special something to go beyond the words and feelings to actually changing a behavior. From the time when my children were small, I’ve always told them that “sorry means change.” If we’re truly sorry, it
impacts us deeply on the inside. If we’re impacted deeply on the inside, we’ll make a change in our behavior in the future.
Change is not easy. We’re creatures of habit, pattern, and comfortableness, even if what we’re hanging onto isn’t in the category of healthy behavior. In order to take an old action or habit and create a new one, we need to have a new resource to dig into for raw
material for the change. We need to put a positive in the place of a negative.
New Information
For most of us, that means putting new information into our lives. Through reading, video or audio programs, or conversation with others, we need new material to draw from. We need examples to follow, mentors to watch and learn from, and other families.
to interact with and learn healthy responses from. Change just won’ happen on its own. We need to replace the old with new.
Accountability
Accountability means that someone is there for me to help me make the changes that I need to make. It means someone will talk to me on a regular basis, checking in with how the process of change is going. It means that I know that someone cares enough about my succeeding that they’ll ask hard questions of me, checking regularly with me as to whether or not I’m following my plans for change. Whether it’s a spouse, friend, relative, or professional counselor that holds me accountable for my change doesn’t matter. What matters is that I know someone is there for me to cheer me on when I succeed and help me to take steps forward again when I fail.
“Every Day is a New Day”
I have a good friend who went through some extremely tough times about seven years ago. Left as a single parent of his young son, dealing emotionally with unfaithfulness and abandonment in his crumbled marriage, I could count on the same greeting each and
every time I met up with him. “How are you doing? How’s the day going?” I’d ask. He’d reply with a reflective grin, “Every day is a new day!” What a life lesson in that simple phrase.
Years ago, I heard it put this way: “This is a new now.” Each day, each hour, each minuteis new from the one before it. And with that newness comes new opportunity, a new chance to begin again. A new moment for change.
Admitting failure takes us to a fresh point of a new beginning. It allows us to change, grow, and become the parent we want to be. Admitting failure isn’t the feeling of sitting at the bottom of the well. It’s the feeling of looking up into the clear blue sky above and
climbing out.
By Erin Brown Conroy, M.A.
I want life to be easier, don’t you? Sometimes that’s not possible. But many times, easier is possible, and we don’t know it yet. We just need more information, new thoughts, and new strategies that take us to that place.
Often times, making parenting easier depends on the way that we think about our kids—specifically, our expectations about how we think our kids should behave.
We think and act within the framework of our expectations. We measure our thoughts by what we think should happen. But what if what we think should happen is off base? Then what? Then we have unrealistic expectations. An unrealistic expectation with our kids means that we expect our child to do or to be something that they’re not capable of doing or being. Whatever we expect just isn’t going to happen. Period.
Unrealistic expectations are a sure-fire way to stir up stress, frustration, and anger and dump it smack-dab into the middle of our everyday lives. Unrealistic expectations create difficulty and unhappiness all around. In fact, unrealistic expectations will just drive you crazy. The good news is that our kid isn’t really driving us crazy. Most of the time, our kid’s behavior is “normal”—for a kid, that is. It’s our thoughts and expectations that are driving us crazy. Really. It’s true. Here’s an example…
Barbie(TM) Hair in My Brush
I don’t have blonde hair; my hair’s a deep brown color. So why is it that I keep finding blonde synthetic hair in my brush? My six-year-old’s simple answer: Barbie™ needed the brush first.
Never mind that I’ve created a “hands-off” drawer in the bathroom that holds my brush. The brush just seems to disappear into thin air, only to reappear a day or two later back in the drawer, down in the cushions of the couch, or in the car with strands of blonde Barbie™ hair twisted among the bristles. I think we have a transporter from Star Trek hiding somewhere in the house.
It’s funny—the same thing happens with my favorite throw blanket on the couch. And my favorite pen. And the baggie full of colored Sharpie™ markers that no one’s supposed to touch (because they’re full of permanent ink that ravages permanent damage). They all magically disappear and appear randomly. My hair spray travels around the house on its own. My socks, shoes, and scarves slink away. Even my favorite eye shadow pops in and out of existence. Like in the movie Toy Story, are these things coming to life when I’m not looking?
No one claims to use any of these personal items. But I know differently: It’s a conspiracy. When I’m busy upstairs and the kids are downstairs, I know they all race to the living room and gather into a huddle. The designated quarterback (probably the oldest) whispers the plan in concise detail: “OK. You—lift the brush and the blanket. You—take out the markers and pen. You—hock the hair spray. And you—you cover the stairs. When you hear mom coming, give the secret whistle. Break!”
On second thought, I don’t think they could pull off that kind of teamwork without me or my husband. Oh my gosh—maybe he’s in on it too.
There’s always the Black Hole Theory. You know—the one that says that everything eventually falls into the Black Hole when you’re not looking. Like socks in the dryer. Like a worm hole in space (here I am again, back to Star Trek). But that wouldn’t account for the items randomly reappearing. Could there really be Leprechauns?
All the funny stuff aside, when it comes to my things, my kids don’t appear to understand the concept of “owning.” Oh, they “get it” when it has to do with their things: “It’s mine! You can’t touch it!” But when it’s someone else’s stuff to borrow—well, sharing is a wonderful thing. Sharing is a wonderful thing.
But respecting others’ possessions is too. One day they’ll get it. In the meantime, the light hairs you see mixed in with my dark ones aren’t white; they’re blonde. I don’t need to spend money on highlights. Mine are free—from Barbie™.
The Realistic Expectation to Remember
Here it is: “My children will use my personal possessions.” That’s reality. Respect of others’ property is learned. Parents must purposefully teach their children to respect others’ possessions. But realize this: It takes time for children to learn those boundaries. Consistently take time to discuss what is “in bounds” and “out of bounds” in touching possessions.
Talking about boundaries gives our children the ability to determine how to know what to borrow, how to ask others for the use of an item, and when it’s appropriate to do so. When your child “borrows” something without asking, take the time to teach. Sure, you’ll repeat yourself over and over. Expect it. Like the tortoise racing the hare, calm repetition will get you to the end of the race—to win.
I was looking at my Food Network Magazine(April 2011) and found on page 115 a great way to dye Easter eggs with stuff you may have at home. The article goes onto say…
“This year’s egg-dyeing kit might already be in your pantry: We tried dyeing eggs with ingredients we had on hand – candy, spices, fruit – and ended up with this amazingly colorful half dozen. To make your own, boil 2 cups of water with 1 tablespoon of vinegar, add your “dye” (12 Now and Later candies, one 7-ounce box of Red Hots, 1 tablespoon Jell-O or Kool-Aid, 1/2 cup of frozen blueberries or 2 tablespoons turmeric) and simmer 15 minutes; strain into a mug for dyeing. Experiment with ingredients in your own kitchen: If it’s something that stains your clothes, chances are it’ll work wonders on an egg!”
I made 2 different dyes on Saturday. One blueberry (on the left) and the other to the right is mixed berries (strawberry, raspberry, & blueberries). Here’s the proof….
It works! I left them in the dye for about 20 minutes. They are lighter than the packaged dyes you will get at the store, but at least you know the ingredients in these dyes! I was thinking about maybe trying beets. What are your ideas?
